For the first years of dating and even the first months married, our arguments often were started by me. I am really great at seeing what is wrong, like most human beings and so I made it my point to let Steven know what was wrong. I gave him not only a list of what was wrong, but my own agenda of solutions he should try in order to fix things. It was my job to help and correct, as the human that knows him the best, right?!
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you’ve gotten into arguments. You’ve probably gotten into really big arguments. And chances are, you don’t even remember what you were fighting about. Yet things that often seem so insignificant lead to the longest fights because for some reason, we keep fighting on. That’s been true for me and Betsy.
Don’t get me wrong; my husband is a loving, romantic man at heart who spoils me 365 days of the year. But Valentine’s Day is tough. Holidays in general are tough. Early into our dating relationship, we realized we didn’t speak the same language about holidays in general. Part of that could be cultural – my husband is Chinese American and I grew up in a primarily Dutch American home.
There are generally two topics to avoid if you don’t want to get in an argument with strangers: politics and religion. In our marriage, we have two topics as well: money and travel. Those are hot issues for us that start off innocently but usually end up blowing up. That doesn’t mean we avoid them completely – we’re going to fight about them regardless. But we can fight about them strategically.
A weekend away with your husband of 6th months – a drive up the California coast, Del Taco and giggles like we were back in high school – seems like the start to a great getaway, right? Until….
Our knee-jerk reaction as human beings is to think that we are unique cases. We are incredible narcissistic. In living life with others, we realize that we are not alone. Others have been through or have experienced similar obstacles and situations as we have. In that we find the connection that our souls long for. In that we see that we are part of something bigger than ourselves; we are no unique case. In that we connect to a hope found in the One who made us.
We’ve debated and delayed it for a while, but we’re finally deciding to start a new blog. We’ve seen a lot of other couples do blogs, but they often fizzle out after a few posts, so we weren’t sure if we would have the time to commit to it. We also didn’t want to do the cliche “Let’s start blogging about our marriage cause we’re married now.” But… we are. Here’s why: