Betsy and I first met in Mexico on a volunteer trip. Though we didn’t start dating until almost a year later, we both got to know each other based on our similar passion to serve others. It has been the foundation of our relationship since. We had a lot of fights (and a break up) over the course of our relationship. Yet what we’ve always gone back to is our overlapping core values, though sometimes it’s taken awhile to get there. Our love for each other is anchored in our love for God and our love for people.
For the first years of dating and even the first months married, our arguments often were started by me. I am really great at seeing what is wrong, like most human beings and so I made it my point to let Steven know what was wrong. I gave him not only a list of what was wrong, but my own agenda of solutions he should try in order to fix things. It was my job to help and correct, as the human that knows him the best, right?!
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you’ve gotten into arguments. You’ve probably gotten into really big arguments. And chances are, you don’t even remember what you were fighting about. Yet things that often seem so insignificant lead to the longest fights because for some reason, we keep fighting on. That’s been true for me and Betsy.
We say to people we love, “stay the same,” but we don’t mean it, nor should we mean it. We should change, we should grow. We all carry baggage we should eventually let go of to become better people. The beauty of relationships is that we can share the burdens, but the difficult and more meaningful part of relationships is helping each other let go of those burdens.
Don’t get me wrong; my husband is a loving, romantic man at heart who spoils me 365 days of the year. But Valentine’s Day is tough. Holidays in general are tough. Early into our dating relationship, we realized we didn’t speak the same language about holidays in general. Part of that could be cultural – my husband is Chinese American and I grew up in a primarily Dutch American home.
A weekend away with your husband of 6th months – a drive up the California coast, Del Taco and giggles like we were back in high school – seems like the start to a great getaway, right? Until….
Our knee-jerk reaction as human beings is to think that we are unique cases. We are incredible narcissistic. In living life with others, we realize that we are not alone. Others have been through or have experienced similar obstacles and situations as we have. In that we find the connection that our souls long for. In that we see that we are part of something bigger than ourselves; we are no unique case. In that we connect to a hope found in the One who made us.
We’ve debated and delayed it for a while, but we’re finally deciding to start a new blog. We’ve seen a lot of other couples do blogs, but they often fizzle out after a few posts, so we weren’t sure if we would have the time to commit to it. We also didn’t want to do the cliche “Let’s start blogging about our marriage cause we’re married now.” But… we are. Here’s why: